


Not Trapped Yet, But I'm Working On It

by Totallytwistedwords



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Age Difference, Dean/Cas Secret Santa, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Restaurant Owner Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 21:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5643340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Totallytwistedwords/pseuds/Totallytwistedwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean brings his little brother Sammy to the library for his first ever library card, he doesn't expect to hit it off with the kind librarian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Trapped Yet, But I'm Working On It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CosenAngel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosenAngel/gifts).



> For CosenAngel.  
> I hope you enjoy!

It was exactly 12:54 on a Saturday when they walked through the door for the first time. It was 12:55 by the time they made it to Castiel, who was busily working on his computer. When he heard them approach, he stopped his work and looked up at the tall, older man, and the much shorter boy, who he assumed was the man’s son.  
“Hello.” He greeted warmly. “How can I help you?” The boy hopped excitedly from foot to foot as the elder answered.  
“Uh, Sammy loves reading, so I promised him we’d get him a library card…” Cas grinned and turned to the boy- Sammy.  
“Will this be your first card, Sammy?” The child nodded enthusiastically.  
“Uh-huh! Dean said I could borrow books with it, but that I’d have to promise to be careful with ‘em and not hurt ‘em, and I said I would, so he said next time he got a Saturday off he’d take me to the library and I could pick out two whole new books to read, and that when I finished ‘em he’d bring me back and I could get two more!” Cas let out a quiet laugh, enjoying the child’s glee.  
“You must be quite the reader, then.” Sammy beamed at the praise, and the older man- Dean- smiled as well.  
“He could probably read three or four, but I figured we’d keep it to two for a while, see what happens.” Cas turned his gaze to Dean and smiled.  
“I think that’s a good idea. A library card’s a big responsibility.” He pulled a small yellow form from under his desk. “If you would please fill this out, we’ll have Sammy’s card ready for him in just a few minutes.  
“Bro,” Dean caught the attention of the child excitedly bouncing at his feet. “You wanna help me fill out the form?” Sammy nodded seriously and Dean gave him a high five. “Alright! How do you spell your name?” They went through the entire form together, slightly off to the side to stay out of the way of anyone who wanted to check out books or ask a question of Castiel, who went back to work, quietly amused by the pair working together.  
A few minutes later, the brothers were back in front of him, Sammy eagerly clutching the form in his hands. He handed it to Castiel, who, in turn, input the information into his computer. Dean and Sam Winchester, he noted absently. Within a matter of moments he was handing Sammy a plastic card cheerfully decorated with books, and a pen.  
“You’ll need to sign your name on the back.” He explained. Carefully, Sammy did as he was told, writing his name in the blocky letters of childhood.  
“We’ll be able to use it today, right?” Dean clarified. Cas nodded.  
“Absolutely.” He smiled at them both. “Is there anything else I can do?”  
“Can you tell us where the kid’s books are?” Cas pointed to his left.  
“Down that hallway. The hall will open right up into the kids’ section.”  
“Thanks, man. Sammy?”  
“Thank you!” The boy cried loudly. The sound echoed for a moment, and Sammy looked abashed. “I’m sorry.” He stage whispered. “Dean said I’ve got to be quiet in the library so I don’t bother anyone.” Cas nodded.  
“That’s right, but it’s okay. Have fun picking out books, alright?” Sammy nodded and took hold of his brother’s hand.  
“Come on, Dean! Books!” He led Dean away, chattering happily about books his class had read in school. Cas chuckled and got back to work.  
Almost an hour after wandering into the kids’ section, the brothers came back out, Sammy happily carrying three books. Castiel silently raised an eyebrow at Dean, who shrugged somewhat self-consciously.  
“He couldn’t pick between the three.” Cas glanced at the titles.  
“Charlotte’s Web, Goodnight Moon, and Where the Wild Things Are. All good choices, Sammy.” The boy grinned.  
“Dean said he’d help me with Charlotte’s Web if it gets too hard for me.” Cas smiled as he checked out the books.  
“Sounds like Dean’s a good brother.” Dean’s cheeks colored, but Sammy nodded enthusiastically.  
“He’s the best!” Cas handed the books back to the child.  
“These are due two weeks from today, alright?” Sammy nodded.  
“Bye!  
“Thank you.” Dean said over his shoulder as his brother tugged him towards the door.  
“Enjoy!” Cas called softly after them.

It was exactly 12:34 the next Saturday when Sammy entered the library for the second time, Dean in tow. Sammy made a beeline for Cas, and carefully placed the books on the desk between them.  
“Hello, Sammy.” Cas greeted warmly. “Did you finish all three books?” Sammy nodded happily.  
“Uh-huh! I read them really fast, didn’t I, Dean?” Dean laughed and ruffled the child’s hair.  
“You sure did, bud. Hardly needed any help at all.” Cas smiled as he scanned the books.  
“Alright, Sammy, you’re good to go.” Sammy thanked him and ran off to the kids’ section.  
“You know, Dean, I’d be more than happy to get you a card as well, if you wanted to check out a book or two of your own.” Dean blushed and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.  
“Oh, no, thanks, man. I, uh, I don’t really have time to read. Taking care of Sammy and all. It’s just not my thing, you know?” Cas smiled.  
“I understand. But if you’d ever like a recommendation, I’d be glad to help.” Dean’s face flushed darker.  
“Thanks, uh, Castiel.” He was clearly trying not to make it obvious that he had to glance at the younger man’s nametag. He gave an awkward little wave before hurrying after Sam, knocking into a display about the summer reading camp the library was hosting on his way. Cas smiled to himself as he got back to work.  
At 1:47, Sammy and Dean reappeared. This time, Sammy had Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, The Velveteen Rabbit, and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, which, as he explained to Cas, his class had read last week, and it was probably the best book ever, and he had to read it to Dean. Cas smiled as the pair left, Sammy waving over his shoulder. 

The next week, Sammy’s school let out and he giddily informed Cas that Dean was letting him join the library’s summer book club. Together, Cas, Dean, and Sammy all filled out the required forms, and Cas helped them find the first book on the list.

The first week of the library’s summer camp had Cas in charge of the 6-7 age group. Dean showed up with Sammy, and wandered around the library for the hour and a half the group was meeting. Cas led his group in a quick discussion about the book, Corduroy, then helped them all with a craft where they glued together their own paper Couduroy bears, complete with buttons and pockets. At the end of the session, the kids’ parents showed up and took them home. Dean came back downstairs to bring Sammy home, but not before he insisted on checking out several books, including the one for the next meeting, two weeks later. He waved at Cas as they left, excitedly describing each detail of his paper teddy to his big brother, who listened raptly.

The next week, Dean and Sammy were back, to return the books they checked out. Cas was shelving in the children’s section when Sammy came running in and gave him a hug.  
“Hi, Mr. Cas!” he exclaimed excitedly. “I read A Bad Case of Stripes and it was really sad! The little girl liked lima beans, but didn’t want everyone else to know, but I don’t like lima beans, and what if I get stripes because I don’t like lima beans?” Cas had to laugh a little bit as Sammy released his legs.  
“Don’t worry. The book is about learning to be yourself. So you won’t get stripes for not liking lima beans. You’d only get stripes if you pretended to like limas.” Cas grinned, and Sammy smiled back.  
“Nuh-uh! You’re making fun of me!” Cas smiled again.  
“Are you sure?”  
“Yes.” Sammy nodded his head decisively and Cas chuckled.  
“You’re right.” He glanced up as Dean entered the room. “Hello, Dean. I was beginning to think Sammy drove himself here.” Dean’s mouth quirked up.  
“Nah, the little punk ran in here before we even checked the books back in, he was so excited.”  
“Can I go look for my books now, Dean?” Dean nodded and Sammy eagerly ran off. Cas watched him go with a fond smile before turning back to the books he was supposed to be shelving.  
“Uh, Cas?” The librarian looked up at Dean, who was biting his lip. “Do you think… you could help me find a book?” Cas’s face lit up.  
“Absolutely. What kind of stories do you like?”  
“Well, I haven’t really done much reading since I left high school, but I really liked Slaughterhouse 5, and Cat’s Cradle.”  
“A Vonnegut fan, huh? Well, have you read Breakfast of Champions? It’s one of my favorites by him.” Dean shook his head.  
“It’s good?” Cas nodded emphatically.  
“Very. Come on, why don’t I show you to our fiction area and you can take a look around?” Dean glanced quickly in the direction Sammy had run off in before nodding.  
“Okay. Thanks, Cas.” He smiled down at the younger man and Cas’s heart did a small flip, which he pointedly ignored.  
“My pleasure.”

The next time Cas saw the Winchester boys wasn’t at the library at all. He was walking home from the grocery store, when it began to rain. Shoulders hunched, he trudged a block and a half before a big black car pulled up beside him. Pulling his shoulders higher, he attempted to ignore the purr of the engine until he heard a familiar voice call to him from inside.  
“Cas! Get in!” Dean called, popping open the passenger side door. Castiel quickly did as he was told, clambering, soaking wet, into the car, groceries at his feet.  
“Thank you, Dean.”  
“No problem, man. Where we going?”  
“Take a left at the next light, please. Where’s Sammy today?”  
“Oh, he’s with our uncle while I run some errands. I told him he could come with me and be sociable, or go to Bobby’s and read. I wasn’t surprised when he decided to go to Bobby’s place.” Dean smiled. “Can I ask why you’re walking?”  
“Usually I take the bus. I was almost to the bus stop when you picked me up.” Dean’s nose scrunched up.  
“Ugh. I hate public busses. They’re so… unsanitary.” Cas laughed.  
“There is that. But it gets me from point A to point B.” The conversation stopped as Dean made the left turn.  
“Right on Elm, please.”  
“Got it.” The silence grew as Castiel cast about for any topic of conversation at all.  
“What do you do for a living, Dean?” he finally asked, glancing at his companion.  
“I own a restaurant, Mary’s Haven.”  
“Mary?” Dean’s eyes shot quickly to Castiel, and just as quickly back to the road.  
“Me and Sammy’s mom. Died a few years ago.” Cas sobered quickly.  
“I’m sorry for your loss.”  
“Thanks. I’m okay. I’ve still got Sammy, and that’s what matters.” Dean’s face hardened, and Cas wasn’t quite sure where to take the conversation after that, so they sat in silence for a few minutes until Dean spoke.  
“How about you, Cas? Any family?”  
“No, not really. I’ve got siblings, but I don’t ever see or speak to any of them.”  
“Wife? Kids?” Cas shook his head, smiling slightly.  
“No.”  
“What? Come on, you’ve gotta be, what, 25, 26?”  
“24.” Cas corrected. “But I’m not interested in a wife, if you understand what I’m saying.”  
“Ah. Gotcha.” Cas tilted his head.  
“What about you, Dean? Wife?” Dean shook his head.  
“Nah.” Cas faked surprise.  
“But Dean! You’ve got to be what, 65, 66?” Dean rolled his eyes and gave Cas’s shoulder a playful shove.  
“Smartass. I’m 35.” Cas laughed.  
“My mistake.” The rest of the ride passed quietly, with soft music playing in the background. When the car finally pulled up to Castiel’s small house, the librarian found himself somewhat unwilling to leave, despite the fact that the rain had stopped. “Do you… Do you want to come inside? I could make coffee?” Dean glanced at the time on the dashboard.  
“I really wish I could, Cas, like, I’m not just saying that, I honestly wish I could come in and have a cup of coffee with you, but I’ve still got some errands I need to run before I pick up Sammy and head in to the restaurant.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry, I should have realized, thank you for the ride, have a nice day, okay? Bye, Dean.” Cas hurried from the car and into his house, closing the door quickly behind himself. A few moments later, as he leaned against it bemoaning his stupidity, there came a timid knock on the door. Somewhat reluctantly, Cas pulled it open to reveal Dean. Dean with his groceries, which he had left in the car. Heat flooded Castiel’s face as the older man offered the bags to him. “Thank you. Again.” he muttered uncomfortably, eyes trained on the floor as he took them.  
“It’s no problem, Cas. Maybe… you can stop by the restaurant tonight, if you’re not busy, and we can have that coffee.” Cas glanced up at Dean.  
“I’d like that.” he murmured. Dean grinned.  
“Sweet. I’ll see you later?” Cas nodded, his own gummy smile taking over his face.  
“Yeah. See you later.” Dean turned and walked back to his car, Cas watching until he pulled away. This time, when he closed the door, it was with a heart thumping with anticipation.  
Around 6 o’clock that night, Castiel began wondering what time he should make his way to Mary’s Haven. If he showed up too early, Dean might be busy, but the same could be said for if he showed up too late. He didn’t want to show up in the middle of the dinner rush, or- what should he wear? What kind of restaurant was Mary’s Haven? A quick Google search told Cas that Mary’s Haven was a casual, sit down family restaurant. He flew to his closet and frantically flicked through all of his shirts, discarding each one of them in turn. Nothing he owned was right for a first date with-  
Wait. First date? As in, he wanted their to be more dates? As in, date? Castiel stopped his train of thought. This wasn’t a date- it was two people who might be interested in each other- no, it was two people who might be interested in being friends- having a cup of coffee together. That was it.  
Cas left his house at exactly 7:37. He pulled into the parking lot for Mary’s Haven at exactly 8:04. He left his car at 8:14, and entered the restaurant a few moments later. Dean himself greeted him with a grin, hands in his apron pockets.  
“Welcome to Mary’s Haven, Cas. You’ve got good timing. We’re slowed down from dinner and I was just about to take a break. Follow me.” Dean led Cas to a booth in a corner. “I’ll be right back.” Cas nodded and sat down, looking around the room with interest. There was a small vase of flowers on every table, and the walls were decorated with a mixture of paintings, posters, and photos. Somehow, the place spoke of Dean without saying a thing. He could see that this was the place Dean belonged, and absently wondered if he could belong too, before banishing the thought. A few moments later, Dean returned with two cups of coffee. He placed them on the table then turned his gaze to Cas. “Cream?”  
“Please.” Dean nodded and pulled a handful of creamer cups out of his apron, depositing them gently on the table before taking his seat.  
“I’m glad you could come tonight, Cas.” The younger man smiled.  
“Me too.”  
Dean and Cas ended up talking for most of an hour, until Dean needed to return to work. Cas left the restaurant at 9:11, and was home by 9:33, Dean’s number safely in his phone. After a shower, Cas fell on to his bed with a sigh, thinking fondly on the night.  
At exactly 11:14, Cas’s phone began to vibrate, rousing him from daydreams involving Dean, Sammy, and an impossible amount of books. He picked it up and felt a smile spread automatically across his face.  
11:14 : ‘I had fun hanging out with you.’ As Cas read the text, he felt his mood begin to deflate. Hang out. That’s all it had been. They had been hanging out, something he had allowed himself to forget. It was never a date.  
“You can’t be interested in him, Cas.” he muttered to himself. “He’s more than 10 years older than you. Let it go.”  
11:18 : ‘I had fun too. :-)’ Cas scrutinized his text for a long moment before sending it. The response came quickly.  
11:19 : ‘We should hang out again soon…?’ Cas thought about what he wanted. He liked hanging out with Dean. He was nice, and friendly, and funny. He clearly wanted the best for his little brother. Cas nodded to himself. No matter what else, he wanted to be friends with Dean.  
11:24 : ‘I’d like that.’

After the next meeting of the summer book club, while Sammy went to pick out his next series of books, Cas and Dean discussed Breakfast of Champions, which Dean was about halfway through, and made vague plans to hang out the next day.

The next morning, Dean texted Cas.  
9:27 : ‘Morning, Cas. How would you feel about hanging out at the park with me and Sammy? He’s been talking about how great you are since yesterday afternoon.’ Cas grinned.  
9:28 : ‘Sounds like fun. What park?’  
9:30 : ‘Sammy’s favorite one’s not too far from where we live, it’s called George Springs.’  
9:37 : ‘I just checked the bus schedules, and I won’t be able to get there until early this afternoon. When were you planning on going?’  
9:38 : ‘Don’t be ridiculous, Cas. We’ll come pick you up. Sammy’s jealous that I got to see your house and he didn’t.’  
9:40 : ‘Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out of your way…’  
9:40 : ‘Positive. See you in an hour?’  
9:41 : ‘Sounds good. See you then. :-)’  
Cas quickly made his way out of bed and into the shower, all the while pretending his treacherous mind wasn’t whispering ‘second date… second date…’

Dean and Sammy showed up exactly on time, at 10:40. Cas hurried to the car and greeted both Winchesters with a smile.  
“Good morning, Sammy, Dean.”  
“Morning, Cas!” The boys chorused, grinning.  
“Are you ready for the park?” Sammy wanted to know. “I love the park. Have you ever been to George Springs?” Cas shook his head as he buckled into his seat.  
“No, I haven’t. Is it nice?” Sammy nodded emphatically.  
“Uh-huh. They have a really cool playground, and there’s this lake, but you can’t swim in it, which is kind of lame, but there’s a dog park and sometimes you can hear the dogs barking from the playground!” Sammy chattered about his favorite things about the park- and school, and his friends, and the area they were driving through- for the whole ride, but neither Cas nor Dean minded, more than happy to listen to him.

Once at the park, Sammy made for the playground as soon as he was out of the car. Cas and Dean followed at a more sedate pace, taking up residence on a bench overlooking the area.  
“It’s beautiful.” Cas noticed, gazing at the tall trees around them. “How often do you two come out here?” Dean shrugged a shoulder.  
“Not as often as I’d like. I work a lot of weekends, but I’ve been trying to take more off, so Sammy can get to the library.”  
“That’s sweet.” Cas smiled, and Dean grinned back.  
“Sweet, huh? I can work with sweet.” He winked before turning his gaze back to the playground. Cas blushed, but didn’t reply, instead turning to watch Sammy play.

Dean’s phone rang at exactly 11:34, cutting short the day at the park. He was agitated when he hung up, and ran a hand through his hair.  
“They need me at the restaurant. We’ve gotta go.” He gave an apologetic look to Cas, who did his best to look understanding.  
“It’s alright.” Dean gave a strained smile before cupping his hands around his mouth and giving a shout any parent would envy.  
“Sammy! We gotta go!” The boy came running from where he had been playing with a few kids his own age.  
“Dean!” he whined. “We just got here! I haven’t gotten to play at all!”  
“I know, kiddo, but they need me at work. Gotta go.” Sammy stomped his foot and crossed his arms.  
“I don’t wanna go yet. I haven’t had any fun yet!” Dean’s voice hardened.  
“Sam, come on. Let’s go.”  
“No!” yelled the boy. “You said we’d stay a long time! You promised!”  
“Sam, I’m not messing around with you. Get in the car. Now.” Angrily, and doing his best to stomp with his small feet, Sammy stormed to the car. Dean watched him go before turning to Cas. “Sorry about that. It’s… it’s hard sometimes, you know?” Cas nodded.  
“Of course. I understand. If it would make it easier on you, I could catch a bus from here?” Dean scoffed.  
“No way, man. I’ll drive you home. I’ve gotta find a sitter for Sammy anyway. The drive to your place will give me some time to find someone.”

By the time the trio pulled into Cas’s driveway, Dean had called everyone trustworthy in his contacts list, and none of them had been able to take Sammy.  
“You gotta come in with me, buddy.” He told his brother, watching him in the rearview mirror. “I know it’s not fun, but I’m out of options.” Sam, still sulking about having to leave the park early, pouted.  
“I don’t wanna, Dean!” tears began to slide down his face. “Dean, I just wanna go back to the park! I didn’t get to have fun!” he cried. Seeing the pained look on Dean’s face, Cas placed a comforting hand on the other man’s leg.  
“I could watch him?” Dean looked taken aback.  
“I couldn’t ask you-”  
“I’m offering.” Cas interrupted. “If it’s okay with you, that is. I know we haven’t known each other very long, so you might not be comfortable, but…” Dean bit his lip, thinking.  
“If you really wouldn’t mind, it would honestly be great.”  
“It’s no trouble.” Cas assured him with a smile. “What do you say, Sammy? Do you want to hang out with me?” Sam nodded tremulously, ready to begin crying again at a moment’s notice.  
“Can we have grilled cheese for lunch?” he asked, pathetically. Cas had to laugh.  
“We’ll have to see. Dean, good luck with work, okay? Come on, Sammy, let’s go inside. Don’t want to make Dean late.”  
“See you later, Sammy. Be good for Cas, okay?” the boy didn’t answer, but did slam his door harder than was perhaps necessary. Dean flinched, but managed a smile for Cas.  
“He’ll get over it.” the other man assured him.  
“I know,” Dean agreed. “He’s just a kid. But that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna strangle him sometimes.” Cas smiled softly.  
“I know. Don’t worry about him, though. He’ll be fine by the time you get back.”  
“Thanks, man.” Cas nodded and climbed from the car, leading Sam to the front door, where he let the boy in before turning to wave at Dean. The older man waved back before pulling out of the drive as the door closed.

Dean called at exactly 5:01, to ask Cas if he could feed Sammy dinner and promise to pay him back. Cas laughed him off, assuring the older man that no payback was needed.  
Dean called at exactly 8:26 to ask Cas if he would mind putting Sammy to bed and promise that he wouldn’t be much longer. Cas laughed him off, assuring the older man that it was no trouble.  
Dean called at exactly 10:23 to ask Cas if he was doing alright and promise that he would be leaving the restaurant within the hour. Cas laughed him off, assuring the older man that Sammy was fast asleep, and he was likely to head to bed himself in not too much longer.  
Dean called at exactly 12:07 to tell Cas he was on his way and would be there soon. Cas didn’t answer, but tried not to worry. Cas was probably asleep, was all.  
Dean called at exactly 12:27 to tell Cas that he was pulling into the drive and not to wake Sammy. Cas, instead of laughing him off, opened the front door and immediately pulled the older man into a hug.  
“You look exhausted.” he murmured, rubbing soothing circles along the other’s back. For a moment, Dean was tense. Then he melted into the touch, pulling Cas that much closer as he clutched to him.  
“I am.” he replied blearily. “I thought tonight would never end.” Cas made soothing noises in the back of his throat.  
“Come on in, and we can talk, okay?” For a moment, Dean didn’t answer, only held on tighter to the younger man. Then he stood straight, releasing Cas.  
“Okay.” He entered Cas’s house. “‘D you mind if I check on Sammy real quick?” Dean wanted to know. Cas shook his head.  
“Not at all. Follow me.” He led Dean to the bedroom, where Sam lay, fast asleep, in the middle of the bed. Dean sat gently next to him, lightly brushing stray hair from his face. He smiled at his brother before standing silently and making his way to the doorway, where Cas waited with a sympathetic look.  
“Let’s go to the living room.” He suggested. Dean was too tired to argue. He plopped onto the couch with a long sigh, Cas settling next to him.  
“Sammy loves you, you know.” Dean murmured to the younger man. “He talks about you all the time, always askin’ me when we can go back to the library so he can see you.” Cas grinned.  
“I like him too. He’s so sweet. You’re raising him well.” Dean blushed.  
“Thanks, man. We should get going, though.” Dean made to stand, but Cas’s gentle hand on his arm stopped him.  
“Dean, you’re practically asleep already. Why don’t you take the bed with Sammy? I can stay out here tonight.”  
“I don’t want to kick you out of your bed, man, that’s not gonna happen.”  
“Dean, I don’t want you driving. You’re practically drunk with how tired you are, and friends don’t let friends drive drunk, right?” Dean frowned.  
“I’m not that tired.”  
“Dean. You almost fell asleep mid-sentence. Go. Sleep. We can argue more about it in the morning.” Dean allowed a smile to cross his face.  
“Fine… Thanks.” Cas smiled.  
“No problem.”

Dean woke up at exactly 9:54 the next morning, alone in Cas’s bed. He stumbled blearily to his feet, stumbling over his borrowed pajama bottoms as he made his way to the kitchen, where he heard Cas and Sammy.  
Cas had Sammy on a chair next to him, stirring something as he flipped what seemed to be pancakes. Dean puttered over and pressed a kiss to the top of Sammy’s head.  
“Mornin’, Sammy.” He turned to Cas and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Mornin’, Cas.” The two adults froze and Dean’s eyes widened as blood rushed to his face. “Uh- I, uh- I didn’t mean-” Cas, cheeks as rosy as his Dean’s, waved off his stammered excuses.  
“I understand. Uh, why don’t you sit down? Sammy and I have just about got breakfast ready.” Hurriedly, Dean did as he was bid, mentally berating himself.  
“Are you and Dean gonna get married now?” he heard Sammy ask. He turned, mortified, but was shocked to see Cas look somewhat… disappointed?  
“No, Sammy. Dean was just sleepy. He didn’t know what he was doing. Why don’t you bring that to the table?”  
All throughout breakfast, Dean pondered the look he had seen on Cas’s face. What did it mean? After plopping Sammy down with his book, Dean entered the kitchen to help Cas clean up the breakfast mess. For several long minutes, silence stretched awkwardly between them. Finally, Dean could stand no more and spoke, eyes resolutely on the plate he was drying.  
“You know I’m too old for you, right?” Cas didn’t answer. “Stop me if I’m wrong here, Cas, but I think you like me.” Again, Cas didn’t speak. “I wish I was younger, Cas. I wish I could try with you, could see where we could take something between us. But I’m not gonna let you get invested in someone who was out drinking while you were still in elementary school.” Still, Cas said nothing, and Dean chanced a look at him. Silent tears were falling down his face as he methodically washed plates. “Cas,” Dean murmured, hand reaching up to touch his face. Angry at himself, Dean stopped the motion and put his hand on Cas’s shoulder instead. “Buddy. I’m sorry.” Cas laughed, a hollow sound.  
“I knew nothing would happen between us. But I still hoped, I tried not to, but it didn’t work, I’m sorry, Dean. I- could you and Sammy please go?”  
“Yeah, Cas. Anything you want.” Dean left the room and quickly changed back into his clothes from the previous day. “Come on, Sammy. We’ve gotta get home. Miss Missouri will be expecting you at her house and I’ve got to get to work.” Sam looked up with a smile.  
“Okay. I’ve just gotta say goodbye to Cas first.” Sammy darted from the room before Dean could stop him. Dean waited awkwardly in the living room while his brother said who knows what to Cas in the other room. Eventually, Sammy emerged, looking unhappy. “Cas was crying.” he told Dean as he was led from the house. “He wouldn’t tell me why.”  
“He’ll be okay.” Dean promised.  
“Can we call him tonight to make sure?” Dean sighed.  
“Probably not, buddy. We might not be seeing a lot of Cas for a while.” Sam’s face darkened.  
“Why not?” he demanded, digging his heels into the ground.  
“Sammy, please don’t do this, not now, I can’t deal with this right now.” Sam’s face fell and his eyes welled with tears.  
“I’m sorry Dean.” he sobbed. “Don’t cry. I’ll be good, I’m sorry.” Dean was surprised to find tears falling down his own face. He picked up Sammy and held the boy tight, conscious of the fact that he wouldn’t be able to for much longer.  
“I’m okay, Sammy. I’ll be okay, I promise.”

For the rest of the summer, Dean didn’t set in foot inside the library. He’d walk Sammy to the door and then pick him up there again once he was done. Sammy tried to tell him about Cas, but eventually learned not to. Dean told himself that he missed Cas a little less every day. He didn’t need to tell himself it was a lie. He knew.

After Sammy went back to school, Dean’s days took on their old rhythm. Just work and Sammy, work and Sammy.  
Then, one day, at exactly 1:23, it began to rain. It was a cold autumn rain, and Dean was just ready to get home and get comfy. But as he was driving down the street, he saw a familiar figure trudging through the rain. He immediately pulled over and rolled down the window.  
“Hey, Cas. Get in?” Cas looked at him blankly for a few moments before clambering silently into the front seat.  
“Thank you.” he murmured after a few minutes. “You didn’t have to stop.”  
“I’m not a monster, Cas. Not that much, at least.” Cas didn’t respond, and Dean took a long look at him at the next red light. He looked tired, and very small with his hair plastered to his head. “How have you been?” he asked as he resumed driving.  
“I’ve been okay. Keeping busy at the library. I got a promotion. I’m a manager now.”  
“Congratulations.” Dean was genuinely pleased for him, but a niggling part of him was disappointed. Had Cas not missed him at all?  
“How about you?”  
“Oh, you know. The same as always.” The rest of the ride was in silence.  
When they pulled into Cas’s driveway, Cas turned to look Dean full in the face.  
“I’m going to invite you inside. But if you come in, know that the minute the door closes behind us, I’m going to kiss you. And maybe, if you’re lucky, I’ll pull off all your clothes and have you fuck me right there.” Dean’s mouth opened in shock. “Do you want to come inside, Dean?” Dean snapped his mouth shut and squeezed the steering wheel tightly.  
“Yeah. God help me, I do.”


End file.
